2014 Flashback

Today, marks the last day of 2014!

Wow, 2014 what a year!

It's only when you sit down and truly think whether the past year was the best or worst year of your life. For me, it's both. It may be hard to think how a year can be the best and worst year of your life, but it truly was. 2014 defiantly had it's ups and downs, but I won't bore you with going through my year month by month. I have chosen to just pick out my highlights.

Firstly, lets start off with Alton Towers. At the beginning of April my family and I chose to go on a family day out at Alton Towers. I feel this was such an enjoyable day filled with laughs and lots of roller coasters. It may not sound like that much to you but it was probably the best family day out that I have had in a long time and I'm glad that I can now say that I have been on The Smiler. 

And you can find out more about that day here

By far, the biggest highlight of 2014 was my cousin Michelle's wedding. This happened on the 4th of May and the wedding took place at the Marwell Hotel. I had the amazing honour of being one of her bridesmaids  The day was filled with giggles, glam, champagne, tears and smiles but the night on the other hand was a completely different story. It was filled with loud music, dancing, food, vodka, more champagne and more laughs. It was truly a night to remember. My biggest highlight of the night was seeing my 17 year old drunk brother on the dance floor, dancing all over the place and coming out with hilarious one-liners. I think the wedding was truly a highlight of 2014 for everyone in my family

And you can see pictures of this highlight here

Those were probably my two main highlights of the year, I know not much. But now as you know not every year is perfect. I did have some tough spots within the year...

Firstly, my anxiety. As you know from a few blog posts I suffer from anxiety and yes, this year was very tough. I struggled massively from anxiety and panic attacks this year from exams, to speaking in front of the class, to feeling anxious just sat on my bed or walking to school. I had panic attacks from a lot of different things. I have realized that it is getting worse.  But this year I opened up a bit about it. Firstly, my friend Hannah, she told me that she had her first panic attack this year and that's when I chose to open up too and now whenever she feels anxious or has had a panic attack recently she talks to me in science class. Since then, I have opened up to a few of my other friends too but I don't know if they understand it as well as Hannah does. However, I still haven't told my mum but honestly I will soon.

Now that my anxiety ramble is out the way. A few weeks a go a had a bit of bad news. My cat, Tommy is 12, and my family and I noticed that on the side on his neck he seemed to have a visible bump from the outside. We gave it a few days but it only got bigger. So, my mum booked an appointment to the vets and took him. On that Friday after school my mum sat me and my brother down and told us that Tommy has cancer, he has a tumor in his mouth and doesn't have that long left to live. We have to make a decision as a family when to put him down. Today it is December 31st and we haven't put him down yet, he doesn't seem to be showing any pain so we haven't done it yet. Recently, that has made me extremely upset. Not many people know how close a pet can be to you.

Anyway, 2014 has had it's ups and downs. But 2015 is just round the corner and I have a bigger year ahead of me so, I am determined to make it the best yet.

How has 2014 been for you?

Happy New Years!

Emily xx 

A Few Of My Favourite Things TAG

As I haven't posted for a while, I thought I need to get back on track and start back with a tag that YouTuber Emma Frow (Inthefrow on YouTube) came up with.

The idea being that you talk about a few of your favourite things in different categories, a few meaning 3 (as it's generally known. So you have to answer 3 of your favourite things in each category 

So, lets begin...

Products: 

My iPhone 

My green apple scented DKNY perfume

Batiste dry shampoo

Food:

 Pasta

Pizza

Fish Fingers 

Places:

Brighton

Florida 

Alton Towers

Things you'd miss: 

My Phone

My Mum

My Nan

Things you do when you're bored:

Watch YouTube videos

Draw

Talk to a friend/family member

Things you like to do when it's sunny:

Have a BBQ

Drink something cold

Sit out in my garden 

Films:

Les Miserables

Zombieland

Lion King

Songs: (I'm choosing to say my all time favourite songs)

Man who can't be moved - The Script 

Carry on my Wayward Son - Kansas

Mr Bright-side - The Killers 

Brands:

Apple

MAC.

Estee Lauder

Outdoor things that you like:

The country side

The color of the leaves in Autumn

Going on walks

Events:

Christmas

My birthday

New years

Cartoons:

Finding Nemo

Up

Frozen

Buildings:

My family home

The Mayflower Theater

The Empire State Building

Anything in everyday life:

Family

Shopping

Friends

Traits in a person:

Sense of humor

Loyal

Caring

Influences:

My Mum 

My Nan

Many YouTubers such as Zoella

Drinks:

Water (boring I know)

Hot Chocolate

Lemonade 

Experiences:

All my family holidays

Going to a haunted on Halloween 2014

My first time seeing Wicked live at The Mayflower Theater

Things to watch:

Supernatural

The only way is Essex

I'm a Celebrity Get me Out of Here!

Youtubers:

Zoella

PointlessBlog

ThatcherJoe

OK, that's it. I hope you enjoyed that and helped you learn a little bit more about me. Feel free to do this tag yourself and send me the link in the comments if you do.

Emily xx

Autumn

I do not own these photos by the way!

It is finally October and do you know what that means?...

AUTUMN IS ON IT'S WAY!!

Personally, it's my favorite season

The leaves will soon be making their transition from green to the dazzling yellows, oranges and reds and the chill in the air during some of the most recent mornings makes it clear that autumn is finally on its way.

Here are the things I really love about Autumn that I'm looking forward to:

Cold weather

Cosy socks

Oversized jumpers

Wearing more onesies

Hot chocolates

Getting the fire going

Halloween

Horror movie marathons

The feeling that Christmas is approaching

Listening to Christmas songs the moment it turns November

More baths in the evenings

Autumn leaves

Warm tones (in leaves, in clothes, everywhere)

Candles, candles and more candles!

Scarves, Boots and Coats

 Evenings get darker

Rainy days under the duvet, watching films

Fluffy PJ's

Christmas stuff appearing in the shops

TV programs (American Horror Story-new series, X Factor, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here!)

Forest walks through the golden leaves

...I think that's about it, haha. 

Let me know your favorite things about Autumn (Fall) in the comments

Emilyxx

Body Confidence

I would like to warn you that this is a very serious and personal topic for a lot of people. I do not want this to turn into some sort of debate or whatever, but I hope that by writing the post, it will help at least one of you.

First, let me start by saying I am 15 years old and I am 5ft2" and I weigh 7st2lbs (If you are unsure of these measurements, feel free to convert them yourself). A healthy weight for a female my age and height is (apparently) 115-125lbs and I am 100lbs...so yes, I am slightly underweight. Everyone will have something about there bodies the they don't like, legs, arms or just your weight in general for example. For me, I don't really like my legs, I think they are a little fat. I am very petite and most of the fat seems to go to my legs it seems.

 Sometimes, one specific friend of mine just says to me "Emily, you are so skinny". Firstly, how on earth am I suppose to respond to that?! Whenever someone says that to me, I never know it is suppose to be a complement or not, they probably think it is but most "skinny" people think of it as rude and inappropriate and offensive. (Most likely) All "skinny" people find "skinny" is a very offensive term! (even typing the word makes me feel horrible) Anyway, when she said that to me, I think I just stood there with my mouth open saying "Umm", just thinking what does she expect me to say to that. All through my childhood (mainly primary school) people used to pick me up and say "Wow, Emily you are SO light!". Back then it didn't really bother me because I was quite young. But now I realize how inappropriate, rude and offensive it may be to a "skinny" person to be called skinny by someone else. (now that I have experienced it). 

However, those people who think they are paying me compliment don't actually get it at all. For "skinny" people  actually being called skinny is mostly seen as an insult.

Honestly, it's just the way you say it "You're so skinny", "You're so thin", "You're so slim" none of these are acceptable to say to a "skinny" person. They are all offensive and seen as an insult to them, even if you don't know it at the time. Instead of saying "You're so skinny" it's better to say "I love your figure" or "I love you small waste" because "love" shows to the person on the other end that it is not an insult or an offensive term, because you saying "I love" they know it's a compliment. But by saying "You're so skinny" they are highly likely to see it as an insult. Please just think about your words.

You always hear about larger people going through a tough time trying to lose weight, slim people can through just as much of a tough time trying to put it on, but nobody ever thinks of that.

"Are you obese?", "You need to lose weight ", "You are a big bag of fat", "You need to get some meat off those bones of yours" , "Are you...okay?"

Would you say these things out loud to a larger person?

No, you just wouldn't, would you? So why is it acceptable to ask a slimmer person questions of the same criteria? 

"Are you anorexic?", "You need to put some weight on", "You are a bag of bones", "Why are you so boney?", "Why are you so skinny?", "Get some meat on your bones", "Are you okay?"

Do you think it doesn't effect the in the same way the same way it would someone who was fat?

I hate the fact that we have a BODY MASS INDEX, that we all must live by? Who decides what BMI we should be anyway? Who cares if I'm "slightly" below average, who cares you're slightly above it? As long as you feel happy in the skin you are in, is that not all that matter? Yes, I may seem a bit smaller and skinnier than the average person, but I'm happy at the moment.

There are still things that I don't like about my body. But I have learnt to accept the way I am. 

It's really not fair. Nobody ever takes into account genes, metabolism, bone structure, medical problems. There are thousands or reasons people are how they are, and why people are the size they are. The above statements may be true in some cases, but for the majority, it's probabaly not.

So, is calling someone skinny really acceptable? Or, do you agree with me that it's just as insensitive as calling someone fat? As as naturally skinny person, I can tell you that it's not very nice being called out for being "too skinny", especially as i tried so hard to put weight on, and wanted so desperately to be "of average size" as I was growing up. It's a bit of a touchy subject but one I wanted to address. I get a weird amount of people asking me my height and weight, and a part of me thinks they are trying to suss out if im underweight in a very sly and kinda creepy way. So now at least i've answered that for you...weirdos. ;)

Moral of the story here though, is that I don't really think it's ever acceptable to comment on anybody's weight, skinny or fat. Why should you ever be allowed an opinion on someone else's body or way of life? You can think it in your head, but the minute you open your mouth it becomes very dangerous, that is of course unless you are opening your mouth to give a compliment, by all means do this. haha. If YOU are happy with the way you look, that's all that matters, and if you aren't, chances are you are doing something about it and working towards something you know you will make you happy.

Everybody is different, and nobody is perfect. It would be a very boring place if this wasn't the case.

Emily xx

School Days

Me and my friends on the last day of year 9 (most are mugshots haha), I am the one on the far right by the way.

It's that time of the year again, where some migrate from their primary schools, into the big realm of secondary, where some leave school and head to a new college or sixth form or where people leave college to attend university. It's daunting no matter what stage your at. In September, I will be heading into the final year of secondary school (year 11). Very scary. My final exams will soon come around and my results will determine my future. I remember being terrified on my first day of secondary school. I had my 3 close best friends going to the same school as me but unfortunately, were not in any of my classes. This terrified me as I was a little fish in a big pond.

I was (and still am really) an extremely shy student, emphasis on student. I am never really shy around my family and friends, I just decided to be a wallflower when it came to class discussions and answering questions. I was (and again, still am really)always the student who never raised her hand because she was worried what people would think of her or because she thinks people may laugh at her. Or the student who purposely didn't look the teacher in the eye just in case they asked me a question. Even though I don't make any input in class discussions, I listen well, took everything in, and got on with my work without any fuss. However, it's very normal to be this way around characters much bigger than yourself who you aren't sure of yet. It's very hard to find where you fit in the class dynamic. However, it doesn't take long to feel comfortable with teachers and to find those people in the class who you can buddy up with to feel a little more confident. 

Luckily, as I knew my 3 best friends from primary school were not in any of my classes, I guess I was forced to make new friends. Lucky, for me that didn't take long. When it came to my first science lesson of year 7, we were put in a seating plan. I was placed on a table with 2 girls, Anais and Mia who were both friends too. I became comfortable talking to them fairly quickly and they soon introduced to their friend Sian. We all became friends very quickly. Now, going into year 11, we are still friends. 

I went from a primary school with around 100 students, to a secondary school with thousands of students. As I said before, I was a little fish in a very big school. 

I am still a quiet/shy student but I know that I have grown as a person throughout the years in school. I occasionally raise my hand in class now (not often but that's just how I am). 

Some people fit in to a new learning environment straight away, and completely relish in the new and exciting move forward in their lives, or they just don't have a care in the world. MOST, are anxious, nervous, and feel they don't fit in. 

School life is what you make of it, some people hate school, some love it. Personally, I'm in the middle really. There have been low moments of course (anxiety/panic attacks, arguments, I HATE DOING THESE LESSONS days, I HATE THIS TEACHER days). But I guess only when you finish school is when you really appreciate how school morphs you into the person you become. It tests your independence, your skills, your patience, so many things. Not only do you learn skills and vast amounts of useful information (that's just a given) but the life skills gained are just as valuable. It's so important to push yourself out of your comfort zone (I have really trying to do this the last few months) and try as many things as you can. If you shy (like me), try to tell yourself you'll raise your hand at least once every lesson (I am really trying to do this). If you naughty, the loud one of the group, try harder to give other people a chance to speak and sit and take things in a little more. If there is something you are not enjoying about school, only you can change it.

 But at the ends of the day, you will realize that what you learn in school and your final results will determine you future.    

Make the most of every single day at school, because believe me, I am now in year 11 and I honestly cannot believe how fast it's gone. Try to enjoy your time at school, make the most of your time there because you won't get a second chance at school.

Emily xx

Anxiety and Panic Attacks

Before I begin this blog post, I'd like to let you know that this is quite a personal thing for me to write about, but I wanted to share this with you in hope to help at least one person whether you are the panic attack sufferer or if you know someone who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks. I would also like to mention that I am NOT an expert on this sort of thing so it's OK if this doesn't help you but it's just so you get a better understanding of it all.

Anxiety is an awful emotion to feel, a feeling that can't be controlled and you usually can't feel it creeping up on you. There are different levels of anxiety that lie in all of us. From a simple thing like "Oh no, I've got school/work tomorrow" to something more nerve wracking like a scary job interview or waiting for your appointment at the dentist or doctors. Although anxiety lies in all of us, it effects people in different ways and for different reasons. When we're stressed, our anxiety levels are much higher and some of us become more sensitive to it than others. Those of you who panic before a test/exam, before going on stage etc. This level of anxiety is completely normal, everyone will go through it. However, those of you who feel anxious everyday when there is nothing to be worried about and who suffer from panic attacks regularly, this is when you know you actually suffer from anxiety or a panic disorder.

Extremely high levels of anxiety, can, in a lot of people, cause people to have panic attacks, whether you are aware of your anxiety or not.

I am writing this post to try and help some of you (even if it's just one of you I help), to help you understand more and to realize that you are not the only one who suffers from anxiety. You are not alone.

What exactly is a panic attack?

A sudden feeling of dread, the sudden urge to push your way through to the nearest exit, feeling like the whole room shrinking around you and everybody staring and smothering you. In a split second, without you anticipating it, or knowing it's going to happen, your body releases adrenaline. This adrenaline is released as your body is preparing for "flight or fight". Something our brain is programmed to do in a life or death situation. You need adrenaline for a fight to be strong, and you need adrenaline for flight, in order to run fast and get away. This adrenaline is released in situations like tripping over a step, being extremely excited, being on a roller-coaster, being in a fight, in an accident., adrenaline is released into our bodies all the time, but us panic attack sufferers have a "SENSITIVE ALARM" .

What happens during a panic attack?

Adrenaline is released, thus causing your heart to beat faster, and your muscles to tense. We breathe in more oxygen, which our muscles use to turn sugar into energy (even though we don't need extra energy for anything). Blood is diverted to the muscles, making you pale and light headed. This also causes you to shake. Our digestive system shuts down, making your throat dry and making you feel sick. Your senses are heightened, you become more aware of the sights and smells around you (It's like someone has turned the volume up, and in a busy place, it was loud enough anyway)

When adrenaline floods your body, it can cause many physical and emotional sensations that may effect you during a panic attack:

These may include:

Very rapid breathing or feeling unable to breathe
Very rapid heartbeat
Pains in your chest
Feeling faint or dizzy
Sweating/shivering
Ringing in your ears
Tingling or numbness in your hands or feet
Hot and cold flushes
Feeling nauseous
Wanting to go to the toilet
Feeling absolute terror
Feeling smothered
Feeling claustrophobic
Extremely emotional/uncontrollable crying
Feeling of unreality

Panic attacks come on very quickly, usually peeking within 10 minutes. Most panic attacks last between 5 and 20 minutes. Some people report panic attacks lasting up to an hour, but they are most likely experiencing one attack after another, or a high level of anxiety after the initial attack.

For me, anxiety is much harder to deal with, due to being a very empathetic and sensitive person anyway. My first panic attack happened around May 2013 (last year). What happened was that, at the time, we we're doing this speech festival thing as part of English class, where we had to read it out loud in front of the whole year, where we had to be in partners and write a speech about rights. Anyway, we had to perform it in front of our English class first. Once we had done that my teacher asked my friend (my partner I was with) if she should put us in for the speech festival, in panic my friend sat yes. With that, I smacked my friend on the shoulder and said "why did you say yes for!?", she responded with "I didn't know what to say". For the last 5 minutes of that lesson we were watching a video but I was just sat there panicking, just the thought of reading the speech in front of the whole year terrified me (I have massive stage fright). I eventually told my friend at the end of the lesson that I couldn't do the speech, she understood and said "we'll talk to her at the end of the lesson". However, when the lesson finished I waited outside the room. At this point I was hyperventilating a lot and crying. My friend was shouting at me saying "come on bring it together, you need to go talk to her!" (which you should never say to someone who is having a panic attack). I managed to say that I couldn't, so my friend just went and talked to the teacher". I waited outside, having this horrible panic attack, uncontrollably crying, hyperventilating, shaking. It was terrifying, I didn't really know why this was happening to me. Luckily, my other friend saw me, hugged me and told me things to calm me down. After about 10 minutes of crying etc. I eventually calmed down. Afterwards, I felt completely drained. I still knew I had to carry on with my day though. But I did, in fact, feel really anxious throughout the rest of the day.

Recently, my anxiety has been quite bad, luckily I haven't had a panic attack recently but I felt close to having one yesterday in Science class. I keep feeling anxious to and from school or sometimes just sat at my desk in class it happens randomly and for no reason at all, I don't have anything to worry about. But that's what suffering with anxiety is like.

Panic attacks can spring on you anywhere at any time...

In bed at night
At school
At work
In a supermarket
In a pub
In a club
In a taxi
On a bus
On the tube
On a train
At the train station
At a restaurant
At a friends house
At a family members house
In a car
On a boat
On a plane
At a airport

There's loads, the list is endless, but these are the ones I can think of at the moment. I haven't had panic attacks at all of these places. Overall, I have had 4 panic attacks 3 of them have been at school and 1 in bed at night.

What helps during a panic attack?

The best thing that I find helps when you are having a panic attack is to go outside (if you are not already), walking away from the place where the panic attack took place and fanning myself always helps me (weird I know).

Listening to relaxing music. Slow paced, quiet music is always best because it is very calming. Find that artist or bands music that helps you to calm down and listen to them whenever your feeling anxious or heading to a place that makes you feel anxious. Also, I have an app called Calm.com. It has all different relaxing sounds such as, the ocean, birds, rain etc. There are also calming meditation sessions you can do which range from 2 minutes to 20 minutes. Calm.com always helps me. Whenever I feel anxious I just put my earphones, listen to the sound of the ocean and do a calming session.

Slow, deep breathing. It may be hard for some people but try to control your breathing and slow it down if you can.

If I have someone with me. I usually want them to stay quiet, unless I ask them something.  Otherwise I will feel too smothered. No-one wants to feel like that. The last thing I need is people firing questions at me, thinking it will distract me when it won't. At the time of a panic attack, I don't need someone highlighting the fact that I am panicking. It's nice to know someone is with you, but if I'm having a panic attack, I'm already hearing things 10x louder and need to try and calm down. You also don't have a lot of energy to speak, as any energy you already have, is being used everywhere else.

Avoiding panic...

For many people, the only way they can avoid having a panic attack, is literally sitting at home and never leaving the house. I never want it to get this bad, but I can see how it would happen very easily with a lot of people. My anxiety is a lot worse when I am stressed, so I find it important give myself a break fairly often. I just make sure I get enough sleep, try to be as organised as possible and don't rush anywhere. You may think the last one is a given but I've noticed that if everything becomes fast-paced I become stressed more easily.
Listening to relaxing music is very helpful too, different types of music can change your mood very easily. I also find that's it's very helpful and important to write down how you are feeling if you feel like you are about to to panic. Weirdly this helps me a lot. If you feel like you are about to panic whack out your phone of a notebook and write down how you are feeling.

How can I help someone who is having a panic attack?

I decided to do a little section here on how to help someone who is having a panic attack, or who suffers with them quite a lot. Although having panic attacks are horrible, I can't imagine standing next to someone, feeling helpless feels very nice either.

1. Remain calm. There is nothing worse than being with someone who is freaking out whilst your having a panic attack. They will never calm down if your flapping your arms about not knowing what to do.
2. Do not be forceful, Be patient, and accepting. Do not settle for them panicking and being affected alone.
3. Let them do things at their own pace
4. Don't make assumptions about what the panicker needs. Ask them
5. Find something positive in every experience. If the person is only able to go partway to a particular goal, such as the cinema or out for a coffee, consider that an achievement rather than a failure
6. Remember that they didn't choose to be that way. Do not show any annoyance or disappointment when panic strikes or if they don't feel they can do something.
7. In a panic attack DON'T SAY:
"Relax. Calm down. Don't be anxious. Lets see if you can do this (i.e. setting up a test for the affected person). You can fight this What should we do next? Don't be ridiculous. You have to stay. Don't be a coward. Pull yourself together. Stop being silly, whats wrong with you"
Instead, DO SAY:
"You can do it no matter how you feel. I am proud of you. Tell me what you need now. Breathe slow and low. Stay in the present, it's not the place that's bothering you, it's the thought. I know that what you are feeling is painful, but it's not dangerous. You are courageous. Remember that panic attacks only last for a maximum of 20 minutes"
8. Do not try and distract them with stupid questions. It just highlights the fact that we are having a panic attack, thus creating more panic.
9. Be supportive and reassuring. After a panic attack, the person can feel down, depressed, angry, insecure and with very low self esteem, it's your job to help them feel better about themselves and to let them know that you are there.

I really hope I have managed to cover everything, and I really hope this has helped some of you. If you are reading this, and you are feeling really down and depressed about your panic attacks and the way it hap affected your life, please remember...

You are not alone, panic attacks are VERY common, and although terrifying, will not kill you. Don't let your attacks ruin your confidence or dent your self esteem, you are an amazing person, and you CAN stop them, with the right treatment and techniques. Do not force yourself to go somewhere you don't feel comfortable, you and your health are far more important than keeping someone else happy. If someone close to you fails to understand, it can leave you feeling terribly alone and insecure, FORCE them to read this blog post or do some other research about it, so that they can at least try to understand.

OK, that's all from me. Wow, it feels like I have been typing for ages.
Please leave your experiences with anxiety and panic attacks in the comments below, it won't just help me, but with also help others just like you reading this blog post.

Emily xx

Bullying (Please read!)

Bullying is a really sensitive subject for a lot of people. It can cause people to self harm, get depression, run away from home, move schools continuously and more but in some really sad cases sometimes people commit suicide because of bullying.

I have been watching Britains Got Talent recently. If you don't know what it is, it is a popular TV talent show that's on every year and the winner performs at the Royal variety show. This year one particular act really spoke to me. It was 2 young boys and the act it called Bars and Melody. Please just watch This and you will see what I mean. It's their audition. If you watched it you would of heard that the song is about anti-bullying. This song really spoke to me and it meant even more because it came from the heart. Leondre (the younger one) experienced bullying severely for a long time, he wrote the rap himself to share his feelings. This song is just amazing and so inspirational. It has helped a lot of people.

Thank you Bars and Melody for sharing your dreadful bullying experience through an amazing song! x

In primary school from years 5 - year 6, I got bullied a bit too. It was specifically this one girl who bullied me in primary school. I used to be an extremely shy person (and I still am but I'm slightly more confident now) so she took advantage of that, I guess she thought I was an easy target because I couldn't defend myself. Everyday when I walked home from school she used to purposely bump into me and push me and trip me up. Whenever I turned around to her because she was bothering me she would just shout "what are you gonna do about it huh"  and because I was to shy to say anything I would just turn back around and carry on walking. She would push me again and say "Why aren't you saying anything, too scared?" because I was so sensitive, it would really hurt me inside. I would cry the whole way home and go straight up to my room and those things she saying to me repeated in my head every night "bitch, wimp, coward, no-one likes you, your worthless, your ugly, stupid, loser, " and more. 

Every class she used to sit behind me and kick my chair, point and laugh at me and whisper to her friend. I think that this had effected me because now, I always get extremely paranoid that whenever some one is whispering or giggling with their friend in one of my classes I always think that their talking about me (even if there not) It feels like it's eats me up inside. I wanna say something but I can't. I hate it, it makes me feel stressed and worried all the time.

Even one of my best friends shouts at me most days at break or lunch time at school for being too quiet. She shouts at me saying "Emily, don't just stand there, you need to talk!" when she said that, the first time was only a few weeks ago. It really hurt me.

I realize that this sounds like nothing compared to some peoples bullying stories. Unfortunately, a lot of people have it much, much worse. Some stories are incredibly sad and I dread to think what it felt like to be bullied like that. Bullying is a horrible thing that no one should have to go through.

Bullies are just disgusting. The thing is that most bullies are probably going through a hard time to but they just need to take it out on someone else. Or they bully people because they think it's cool, it's NOT! 

If you are being bullied you need to tell someone. If you don't tell someone you will end up feeling trapped, unable to escape. It's better to tell someone because they might know what to do.

Most people bully other people because their sexuality, race, religion, weight, sometimes if you have a disability and there are lot more reasons.

Bullying is disgusting and a horrible thing to make innocent people suffer through. It's NOT COOL, it's WON'T make you feel any better about yourself and it's NOT a reason to take it out on people. 

Bullying honestly needs to stop. The majority of suicides is to do with bullying, some people just couldn't take it anymore.

  

Stop Bullying Now!

Emily xx

  

100 Facts About Me (fail...again)

So, I haven't done a blog post for over a week now. I didn't really plan this and I didn't really know what to write about... so I just thought it's time you know even more about me.

Yep, another list. Even though its a lot. Today i'm doing...

1) Even though I only watched it 2 days ago, Les Miserables is already one of my favorite films.

2) I have a massive fear of dolls and anything similar to them, for example porcelain dolls (mainly), manikins, ventriloquist dolls and well anything in that sort of category.   

2) (you may already know) I love making lists 

3) I am a really fussy eater, I stick to what I know and love

4) I am an incredibly shy person but once I'm comfortable around you, you will think I'm a complete weirdo 

5) I only feel comfortable properly singing in front of my mum (I'm not that good though in my opinon)

6) I have 3 pets. 2 cats named Tommy and Pickles and 1 rabbit named Maggie

7) I want a pug SO badly!

8) I am a really messy person, but for some reason once I start tidying I don't stop until everything is away and tidy 

9) I have extreme stage fright!

10) Teal is my favorite color ever!

11) As boring as it is, pasta is probably my favorite food

12) Ben & Jerry's cookie dough is the best thing ever! I would eat a tub every day if I could.

13) My full name is Emily Mae Holland

14) I have been wearing contact lenses since I was 11 ( 4 years)

15) Not sure why but I love getting/ buying new socks (maybe it's because my socks always seem to get lost somehow)

16) I seriously love the sound of rain (and watching it)

17) The Vamps and The Script are my favorite bands

18) I love buying new pajamas (I own way too many)

19) I got my first iPhone (iPhone 5c) for my 15th birthday which was on 20th May and I absolutely love it SO much (why didn't I get one earlier)

20) I've never watched Titanic

21) My top 3 favorite songs ever are Mr Brightside by The Killers, Man who cant be moved by The Script and Wake me up when September ends by Green Day

22) My favorite book is The Fault in our Stars by John Green

23) I can't stand the heat

24) Autumn/Winter is my favorite season

25) My house got struck by lighting when I was 7 years old

26)... and since then I have had a fear of thunder and lightning

27) Art and English are my favorite subjects in school

28) Rainbows instantly make me happy

29) My favorite quots are 'Just Say Yes' (one of favorite youtubers, Zoella loves this quote) and 'Do More of What Makes You Happy' ( one of my other favorite youtubers, PointlessBlog loves this quote)

30) I did karate for 1 and a half years ( from 12- 13 and a half)

31) I love to bake but whatever I bake always goes wrong (I really wish I was better!)

32) I love candles

33) I love note books and writing in them (I always have one with me)

34) Now, my favorite thing to have for breakfast is low fat Greek honey yogurt with strawberries on it and sometimes raspberries (I only started eating this recently)

35) Christmas is my favorite, favorite holiday ever! I get so excited and festive and I LOVE shopping for decorations for my room. Anything Christmas I love! songs too

36) My face goes red SO easily, the slightest bit of exercise I go red, if a teacher says my name I go red. I hate it SO much!!!!

37) I have a collective music taste. I can go from liking bands such as 5 Seconds of Summer and The Vamps to Linkin Park and Green Day

38) I am terrified of public speaking

39) I hate long car journeys, mainly because I get extremely car sick.

40) My favorite boys name is Noah. I absolutely love it so much. If I had a child and it was a boy, I would call him Noah

41) I'm such a family girl. I would rather spend time with my family than my friends to be honest

42) Pj days are the best kind of days for me. Staying in my pj's all day, not having my contact lenses in, watching movies etc

43) I am addicted to Youtube. Some of my favorite youtubers are Zoella, PointlessBlog, ThatcherJoe, Marcus Butler and more.

44) I have a thing about personal space, if I'm talking to someone face to face I usually take a step back also I don't like hugging people, if feels like their invading my personal space (weird I know)

45) Linked with the previous one, I can't handle people touching my neck, again it feels like their invading my personal space.

46) I love making smoothies (especially in Summer)

47) My favorite cereal is Golden Grahams

48) My family is planning to go to Florida next year and I can't wait to stock up on Pop Tarts

49) The main thing I am looking forward to when I'm older is decorating my house.

50) Supernatural, Orange is the New Black and Coronation Street are my favorite TV shows (there's probably more but I can't think)

51) I have a massive fear of spiders

52) I can't handle being locked in, being in small enclosed spaces etc (I have Claustrophobia)

53) I extremely love having a nice, relaxing bubble bath.

54) I love the bath bombs from the shop Lush

55) I really hate the word moist (it sounds disgusting to me for some reason)

56) My favorite scents are green apples and vanilla

57) I can't stand spicy foods (mainly cinnamon)

58) Being a bridesmaid at my cousins wedding on May 4th of this year was the most special occasion for me ever.

59) I love theme parks and roller coasters

60) I think taking photos is very important because its a way to store you memories, you can keep them forever. Whether its in physical form or on a computer/ hard drive

61) When I was little I had an imaginary friend named Lucy

62) I always debate whether ghosts, spirits etc are real or not

63) I always wonder what an outer body experience would be like

64) I have not broken, fractured or sprained anything in my body \(touch wood)

65) I can't wait till I have children (not for a long while yet, I'm only 15)

66) I worry over so many things which sometimes cause panic attacks

67) I dread to think what I will be like learning to drive

68) Even with water I can't swallow tablets, I always have to have them dissolved in water

69) My mum and dad were going to call me Holly, so my name would of been Holly Holland but my mum thought people would make fun of me

70) I don't have any piercings, not even my ears

71) I have an OCD thing where I can't have volume on any odd number. Not sure why but if I know the volume is on an odd number I have to change it.

72) Even though I'm a girl, I really dislike shopping. I know the shops I like, so I just go in them (Primark and topshop) and I will get out. Well... I love buying new clothes etc and looking through the shops but because its usually quite crowded I can't stand feeling claustrophobic like that.

73) I have anxiety :(

74) (linked to previous one) When I feel anxious or I feel a panic attack coming on, I always have to write down what I am feeling for some reason it make me feel better.

OK, um yet again I have failed at making a complete list. I said I was going to tell you 100 things about me and I didn't...sorry. 

I guess I'm not interesting enough to think of 100 things..haha

Anyway, I'm sorry if you found that extremely boring or maybe you found it interesting but I hope it was interesting enough at least.

Let me know some facts about you in the comments.

Emily xx

Claustrophobia (re-written)

I wrote a post about Claustrophobia a while ago. I literally only just deleted it because I thought it was too rushed. So I thought I would re-write it but this time I will put a lot more thought into it, take my time and also include more on what it feels like and having it myself etc.

What is Claustrophobia?

Claustrophobia is defined as an extreme fear of confined/enclosed spaces and being closed in. It is an anxiety disorder and can cause panic attacks. People who suffer often cause the person to avoid taking part in many events where they know it will be crowded. This also cause them to avoid public transportation. The levels of Claustrophobia vary. 

I suffer with Claustrophobia. The main place where my anxiety occurs is in elevators (lifts) but it occurs whenever I have to take public transport too, such as trains. If there is an option of the stairs or going in an elevator, I always pick the stairs. No matter who many flights of stairs I have to go up. Having Claustrophobia is horrible, you are unable to breath, you feel the walls are closing in, you are unable to escape, you have high levels of fear and anxiety. You feel like you can't escape from it.

Having Claustrophobia can be extremely hard for a lot of people. It can severely limit your life, causing you to miss out on a lot of things, that you would otherwise enjoy. For example missing out at music festivals due to it being extremely crowded, missing out on going on holiday because you may refuse to sit on a confined airplane for however many hours next to a load of strangers. You can miss out on a lot of amazing opportunities that you may not get to experience ever again. Usually, when a sufferer of Claustrophobia enters any room really, they will instantly look for the exits. They do this because if they feel fairly anxious when they walk in the room they will want to know where each exit is just in case they start to panic. When they start to panic and feel scared its good to know where the exits are so it will be easy to escape. This is a very good idea in my opinion. If you come out of your comfort zone for once and you decide to attend something you had no intention of going to before because of your Claustrophobia, then looking for the exits first is something you should definitely do if you feel uncomfortable.

Luckily, my Claustrophobia isn't extreme. However, it isn't mild either. My Claustrophobia is somewhere in the middle. In places such as elevators they are the worst for me. My Claustrophobia is at it's highest whenever I am in an elevator and its not good that I also have a fear of elevators too. Not only that but I get very anxious in very crowded places too.

Just a few places where people usually get Claustrophobia are:
Elevators (lifts)
Basements
Crowded areas
Room with no windows
Attics
Small rooms
Subway trains (the tube)
Tunnels
and more

Symptoms that usually occur:
Sweating
Accelerated heart rate
Panics attacks
Hyperventilating (over breathing)
Dizziness
Dry mouth
Hot flushes
Light - headedness
Headache
Fainting
and more

Doctors say that they haven't actually found the real cause for Claustrophobia but they do say that for some people it may be linked to a past (childhood) experience with small confined rooms.

Well, overall Claustrophobia is just horrible really. No-one should have to suffer with it.
If Claustrophobia really effects your day-to-day life you should try and see a psychologist or a psychiatrist. They will really help if you suffer extremely bad from it

Do you have Claustrophobia?
Emily xx

My Cousin's Wedding

On Sunday, May 4th, my cousin Michelle got married. The wedding took place and the Marwell hotel. Luckily, I had the amazing honor of being one of her bridesmaids, this was the first ever time I was bridesmaid, so it was a very exciting opportunity for me. I had an amazing day/night. The highlight was definitely my 17 year old brother Luke, dancing and out of control because. May not sound much but he was incredibly drunk (he literally never dances usually) and when he's drunk he just dances. Which was the funniest thing ever, everyone found it hilarious. It wasn't even really dancing it was just jumping and flapping his arms all over the place. The next morning he had barley any memory of what happened that night.

Many photos were taken and I have decided to share some of my favorites with you, and yes, for once I am adding photos to one of my blog posts.

This is my favorite photo of them all. On the left is my cousin Rachel, who was one of the other bridesmaids, and that's me on the right.

I really like this photo too. This is basically just a group photo of most of my relatives who went to the wedding. The far left is my cousin Michelle who was the bride (as you can probably see from the dress)

Sorry, this isn't that big. From left me, cousin Michelle, cousin Rachel.

I love these boys! They were all hilarious at the wedding. In this picture they were no where near as drunk as they were at the end. But they were still slightly drunk in this picture. From the left, cousin Chris, my dad, my brother Luke and lastly my cousin George.

I like this one purely because no-one is posing or anything, its like an action type of shot, its natural and I like that. Anyway, this is me helping Rachel who's sorting out Michelle's dress.

(I had to make this one a big bigger so you could see the photos) This is another one of the boys drunk, same people are in this from the other photo, except the second one from the left is a very good family friend, Jason. Love this!

Ok, So that was just a few pictures from the wedding day. I hope you like them. Please let me know if I should include pictures in my blog posts more often. Personally, I think they make the posts a bit more interesting instead of a big long post just with writing. The pictures break up the writing a bit,

The wedding was just amazing. I had a brilliant time! and it was honestly the highlight of my year so far. I wish I could go back to that day.

So...

What do you think?

Shall I include pictures more often?

Emily x 

Small Update (aka, my day at Alton Towers)

Ok, this is just a very small update on what I've been up to recently.

On Thursday 3rd April we broke up from school for the Easter holidays. Now I have two weeks off and yesterday (Friday 4th April) we had an inset day (day off). 

So, for the inset day me and my family decided to go to Alton Towers for the day. Alton Towers is quite far from where I live (around 4 hours away) we wanted to get there for opening time which was 10:00am. We woke up at 4:00am yesterday morning and we left the house at about 4:50am. This was my first time at Alton Towers, so I was very, very excited. Once we got there we took the monorail to get to the entrance and we had to wait about 25 minutes for the gates to open. Once they opened the gates my dad, my brother and I headed straight for the newest roller coaster at Alton Towers named The Smiler (my mum came too but she didn't go on many roller coasters) .The Smiler is apparently a world record breaker with a total of 14 loops. It was amazing. It was by far the best ride I went on.

Surprisingly, I went on all the big rides such as The Smiler, Oblivion, Air, Nemesis, Thirteen and Rita. They were all very good rides, but like I said The Smiler was by far the best (highly recommend).

Once we finished going on all the rides we wanted to we went on Rita again because the line wasn't long. However, I desperately wanted to go on The Smiler again but once we got there the queue was a 45 minute wait, we didn't want to wait that long so we didn't go on it, unfortunately. 

There were also two water rides at the park which were quite good too. We decided to buy the picture that was take on the water rapids type ride because it was a great picture with all 4 of us in it. Unfortunately, I didnt buy any pictures that were taken on any of the roller coasters, mainly because they were all terrible pictures of me. 

Anyway, overall my day at Alton Towers was amazing.

Today is Saturday 5th April (the day after Alton Towers) and my legs are killing me because they ache SO much from walking round Alton Towers for about 6 hours yesterday. Now, I'm having a pj day/lazy day because I don't really feel like doing anything. Lazy, I know but everyone needs a lazy pj day every now and then (I have lazy days more often than you think :/) 

Ok, that's you all up to date. I know it wasn't really an update, it was only really the story of my day at alton towers haha sorry.

Have you ever been to Alton Towers?

What was your favourite ride?

Emily xx

My Birthday List | 2014

Yet again, another list.

If you didn't already know, my birthday is on May 20th. Tomorrow is April 1st (would you believe it!). I always start my birthday list quite early. As I think of something I add it to the list. 

Anyway, this is what my birthday list looks like at the moment :) 

IPhone 5c

I've had my current phone (the Samsung galaxy ace) for almost 2 years now so my contract runs out soon. This means it's time for a new phone. I have never been an iPhone user and this is the newest one out there. I am very excited to receive this. I am opting for the blue one (they come in 5 colours). Whenever I get a new phone (which is usually every 2 years) I usually get it for my birthday but me and my mum go to Tesco to buy it a few weeks before my birthday but I'm not allowed to touch or use it until my birthday.

Portable IPhone charger

From doing a little research into the new phone I'm getting. I know that iphone battery life is just rubbish. So, if my iPhone runs out of battery on me whilst I'm out, having the portable charger with me will be very useful. I really like the Anker, Astro mini from Amazon. So, hopefully my mum and dad will get me that one.

Noise Isolating Earphones

The ones I have at the moment are just rubbish, they always fall out of my ear which is really annoying. So, i decided that it's for some new ones. I have heard a lot about noise isolating earphones. Apparently, they are amazing. They cancel out almost all background noises (people talking to you etc.) these type of earphones would be great on car journeys and airplane rides. I don't go on many but these will just be great at home too.

Frozen (blue-Ray)

Ok, I'm sure you must of heard of the new animated, Disney film Frozen. If you haven't, where have you been! Lots of people are talking about this film, the songs are stuck in everyone's heads. I know it's the hype in my school at the moment. I actually haven't watched it yet but I desperately want to. I recently bought the soundtrack (which is amazing) do I'm asking for the film for my birthday.

Les Misérables (Blue-Ray)

Yes, yes I know. I'm late on the bandwagon with this one. But I have never seen Les Mis but all of a sudden I want to watch it. No idea why I suddenly want to watch it. But I've heard that it's really good

The Wolf on Wall Street (Blue-Ray)

This film came out fairly recently (I think the beginning of this year) but I've heard such good things about this film. So, I thought why not ask for it.

My Sister's Keeper (DVD / blue-Ray)

I know this film came out in 2009. But I've heard that it's really sad but such a good film. I quite liked what it's about and I thought I might like it.

The Hunger Games Catching Fire (blue-Ray)

Again, I've heard such good things about this movie. All my friends loved it. I saw the first hunger games and I really liked it so I thought I may like this one too.

Now that's what I call music 87 (CD)

This is a CD that has all popular music at the moment (chart music). I've got the previous 5 NOW CD' s and I liked them. I've seen the tracklist for this one and I love almost every song on it.

Meet The Vamps | The Vamps (CD)

The Vamps are a fairly new boyband and I absolutely love them. They've had 3 singles out already and I love all 3. This is their first ever album. They are my favorite band and I can't wait to get their album

Updated

Meet The Vamps | DVD edition (story of The Vamps)
When I found out that The Vamps have released an album, about a week later I also found out that they have a film about them released too. When I found this out I got very excited. This is basically the story of The Vamps. I can imagine it will involve how they got started, behind the scenes etc. But honestly I don't know but I am excited to find out.

Phone Case
I probably wouldn't of found this phone case if it wasn't for Zoella. Zoella (Zoe Sugg) is a beautiful, British youtuber. I watched one of her What's in my Bag videos (Winter Edition) and she included her felt, monster IPhone case from an Etsy shop. I just fell in love with it basically. Luckily, she included the link for it :) It's easier if you just see it, so here's the link for the phone case. http://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/117824839/felt-iphone-5-case-monster-cases-wool?ref=listing-shop-header-0

(P.S Please go check out Zoe's youtube channel. I obviously don't know her personally, but I seriously want to because she is such a lovely, sweet, funny, beautiful person on camera. But she is my favorite youtuber, also please check out some of her youtube friends such as Tanya Burr, her brother ThatcherJoe, PointlessBlog, Jim Chapman, Marcus Butler and more. They are all amazing. Here's Zoe's link. https://www.youtube.com/user/zoella280390
Remember to check out her friends too.)

Ok, I don't know whether you liked that or not. But maybe it's given you an idea of something to put on your birthday list. Or maybe you saw something that you could get someone else. 

For my birthday it's really only films CD' s and phone accessories.

I may do a post after my birthday on what I actually get. But I'm not sure if you will like that or not (let me know).

What are you asking for your birthday?

Let me know in the comments!

Emily xx

10 Things I Want To Do

From the title it may sound like a bucket list (a list of things I want to do before I die) type post I'm about to do. But it isn't. This is a little different. Instead I'm doing 10 thing I want to do MORE of in my life.

So, let's start :)

1) Drink more water - This was one of my New Years Resolutions and I think many people had the same too. I've kind of had a head start with this. This is because I started drinking a lot more water just before Christmas. Since I started I have been drinking about 2 litres of water almost everyday. So, it's going good so far. Let's see if I can keep it up for the rest of the year.

2) Do more exercise - This is more for when I have finished school because I will have more time. I guess I'm doing a little excersize at school because of PE and I walk to and from t school each day. Each way it takes 15-20 minutes. Also, I'm doing a bit of progress because I have been doing 60 sumo squats and 60 calf raises everyday and about 20 lunges most days. So that good isn't it? I'm also trying to stretch a lot each day.

3) Go out more - on weekends I barely ever meet up with my friends. I always find myself on the internet or watching TV, bad? I know but I'm not the only one who does it. However, I do go out a lot with my family most weekends.

4) Eat healthier - I'm one of those people who has a massive sweet tooth. I love eating junk food, even though I know it's really unhealthy. Honestly, I'm not sure it's a good idea to stop eating junk food or not. I'm one of those people who eat all I want and I don't really gain any weight. Most girls my age (14-15 year olds) weigh around 8 stone. However, I'm 6 stone 12 which I think is underweight for someone my age. So, I'm not really sure how long eating healthy will last.

5) Stress less - My anxiety mainly happens when I have to speak in front of a class, certain exams and when I'm in an elevator. Soon as I let the tiniest bit of anxiety through it will try to take over, I just need to breathe deeply and try to bat it away.

6) Be louder - I am a very shy and quiet person, especially in lesson. At break and lunchtime at school when I'm with my friends. There's no reason to be quiet but sometimes I just don't have anything to say. Especially recently one of my friends keep having a go at me for not saying anything and being quiet at lunch and break. Honestly, she is really getting on my nerves by saying this I don't really have any reason to get annoyed I guess but you will get it if someone kept repeating that to you. This isn't the whole reason why I want to be louder, it's mainly because in class sometimes on my reports my teachers always say I need to ask and answer questions more. So, um yeah that's it really.

7) Read more books

8) Sort out my wardrobe more - I go out shopping with my mum a lot, and every time I go I always end up buying a lot of things, mainly on Primark. However, point most things I buy I have never worn. If I sort out my wardrobe more there will be more space and everything will be my more organized.

9) Take more baths - This isn't anything much but I usually take showers but recently I have become a little obsessed with a shop Lush this is a bath and body type shop. I love the bath bombs and bubble bars especially and this has encouraged me to have more baths. To be honest I like these more. They are much more relaxing and a good way to rest after a hard day.

10) Keep my room tidy - I am a really messy person and well I just let my room get too messy, too quickly. So, basically I will just try and be tidy so my mum won't have a go at me for being messy, haha.

So, there it is.
The things I want to do more if.
Feel free to do this yourself too. If you do post a link in the comments of the post and I will check it out :)

By the way, you can probably tell I really love making lists. But there will be more lists to come so start looking out for those. I hope you like these sort of posts.

Emily xx

100 things I dislike (fail!)

I know I'm a little later than when I said I will post this but I am still delivering it to you. This is another post about me. I hope your not finding it too boring.

Ok, let's just hope this is easier than my '100 thing I like' post.

100 things I dislike

(Again, in no particular order)

1) Lightning

2) Nightmares 

3) Direct eye contact

4) 'Secret' conversations

5) Sweat

6) Hot weather

7) Sarcasm

8) Mushrooms

9) Spicey scents 

10) People who boast

11) People who walk slow

12) Public transport

13) The smell of bonfires

14) Chat up lines

15) Bullies

16) Ginger (the taste)

17) Fake people

18) Strict people

19) Rules

20) Pretending everything is ok when it's not

21) Being told to "calm down"

22) Being early to the airport

23) Long car journeys

24) Getting lost

25) Smoking/people who smoke

26) People who talk loudly

27) People who talk loudly on the phone in a public place

28) Being interrupted

29) Betrayal

30) People who don't keep their promises

31) People who don't keep secrets (especially if they tell someone my secrets)

32) Slow internet connection

33) When people never finish their sentences

34) When people repeat themselves too much (even though I do this a lot :/)

35) Justin Bieber

36) When I say I'm fine (and I actually am) and someone repeatedly asks me "are you ok?"

37) People who think they know everything

38) Bitches

39) Sluts

40) Missing someone

41) Being shouted at

42) When my parents fight

43) Seeing someone crying

44) Being told what do to

45) When I can't get comfortable

46) Spiders

47) Snakes

48) Dolls

49) Not being able to get to sleep

50) Being outside when it's dark

51) People who constantly talk and don't shut up

52) Romantic/cheesy movies

53) Being scared at night

54) Mayonnaise

55) Prawns

56) Crowds

57) Elevators

58) Small spaces

59) Waiting in line

60) Friends who take advantage of me

61) Being stared at

62) Rumours

63) Nosey people

64) Animal abuse

65) Mist/fog

66) My brother

67) When people lie to me

68) When people (especially if it's friends) talk about me behind my back and I know it

69) People who complain a lot

70) When people chew with their mouth open

71) Homework

72) People touching my neck

Urm, well I can safely say that this was MUCH harder than the '100 thing I like' list. You can tell because well I didn't get to 100 things :(
I'm sorry I failed there.

Emily xx